Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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