maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
