I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
