But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
