Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
