You're my little dorito
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
