Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
