You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
