1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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