Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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