i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
