i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
