well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
