this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
