Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
