Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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