i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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