okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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