Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
