What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
