nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
