Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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