genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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