Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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