yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
