My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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