no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he thought i was a dude.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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