five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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