I am spending my child support on dildos
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just gift wrapped bread.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
