she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
