with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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