i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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