just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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