This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
