That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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