My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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