Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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