Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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