at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
