Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
