The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
