You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just found puke in my bra..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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