Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
