i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
