You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
