I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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