I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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