Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
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