dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
