So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
